Do I really know myself?

Sitting here for hours debating what to do and whether I am making the right decisions both financially and emotionally. I am tired of it all. I’m not perfect but more than anything I crave a positive change. I’ll admit I am struggling to find my feet. Music and writing is what I love, to me it fits just like a glove. Battling built up anger from the step dad who made my child hood household his house and not a home, to the cousins and friends who were quick to let me go. The older you get the more you understand you’re not only a product of your environment but also your upbringing. At times episodes leave our hearts damaged which creates a lack of communication. I helped a lot of people and forgot about me, I let feelings go to keep the peace.

Time spent letting things go, I realised I had planted seeds which have now overgrown. I’ve cut ties but, does it really end there, I still think about events whilst breathing clearer air. The time I spend alone to reflect I’ve noticed the major changes that I chose to neglect. The big moves and the bodily adjustments, the emotional battles which probed a change in appearance. Is it negligence? To be more than willing to help others and forget my pain to remain sane. These are some of the thoughts that roam after hours, I guess it can’t be that bad; in words there’s power. I hope the way I write about myself does not display a defamation of character; I am both a writer and a narrator.

-D. Edwards |


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